If you think you are a victim of domestic violence or abuse, there are a few things you should know;
It isNOT okay.
It is NOT your fault.
It may NOT change.
It may NOT get better.
One of the worst enemies of domestic violence is a refusal to believe. Despite bruises, changes in your behavior, chances are you may have told someone, or tried to tell someone, and they just didn't believe you. I know that can be an incredibly isolating feeling, and worse, it can lead you to believe that you may be responsible for it somehow, that the behavior of your lover, caregiver, parent, or spouse may be your fault.
This is a misconception, an untruth. At best, your tormentor may be telling you they are sorry, they will change, and they may mean every word they say. What they either don't know, or won't tell you, is that their behavior is beyond their control. The abuse is a compulsion, a release, and the longer it goes on, the less control they have over it.
At worse, they use it to keep you their prisoner.
I should also bring to light something you won't read in the news; it can get better, though the odds are against it. Things can actually change. It took more than ten years for my father and I to make peace. In another instance, it took more than thirty for the abuse to stop. So please be aware; each situation is different, and in the end, you have to do what's right for you.
I encourage you to please, if you have nowhere else to turn, seek out one of the many options available in your neighborhood. Across every major city in America there are numerous resources, and people who will listen to you if you seek them out. And for those of you who balk at the idea of staying in a shelter, or being forced to admit that the problem is real, please be aware that the alternative is the grave.
If you need someone to listen, someone to talk too, someone who won't judge and who's been there, I may be able to help. Please feel free to drop me a line and I promise a response within 24-48 hours.
This is not your fault. Seek help, get out, and save your own life.