I admit it; 2013 has been the worst year of my life.
I began the year as a husband and father-to-be. I live alone and the ashes of my daughter take up temporary residence in my top dresser drawer.
I like to think I can push myself through things prettying well, but this is different, this is...unyielding. There are times I'm okay around babies and toddlers. Then I have moments where I have to excuse myself from a room because if I don't, I'll shatter into little pieces. I'm trying to be okay with the idea that this is a wound that will never completely heal.
Then came the moment where I finally had to admit that circumstances had gotten the better of me and I had to write my publisher and cancel the two books I promised.
I write this, my final blog entry, and offer my last confession; the events of the past eighteen months almost completely destroyed me. But admitting it is the first step to bouncing back. And not just saying it until you make yourself believe it, or burying the problem so deep down that you can almost forget it exists, but I mean truly dealing with the issue, so you can recover and move on with your life.
I still don't believe that we are put here to suffer, but to be forged. I remember laughing, good times, fun times, reckless times that made for awesome memories, and they keep me going. Life is meant to be lived, not suffered through, nor endured. Life is meant to be experienced, taking at full tilt without worry or fear of the unknown. Time, effort, and patience solve all problems.
The hard times are given to test and forge our resolve, to strengthen us for whatever future awaits us. Hard times are given that we may look back upon the experience and learn, applying the hard-won knowledge to the next hard time. Or to help others through their own, to let them know that they are not alone, that they can and will endure, that they will smile and laugh again.
People suffer every day, far worse than anything most of us have been through. If those people who endure the unimaginable can persevere, then we have no excuses.
I made up my mind a long time ago; I will never stop moving forward. I will never allow anyone to tell me that I cannot do something. I will never be so broken that I cannot heal. I will never lose my ability to laugh and smile and I will never, ever stop believing in the overall goodness of people, no matter how cynical I may appear. Do no harm, but take no shit. Stand up for one another. Love one another. Embrace what makes us different.
I have persevered to the restoration of my driving privileges after ten years of being unable to legally drive. I have made headway into three novels in the Universal Warrior franchise and their teasers have been well-received. I'm co-authoring a sci-fi graphic novel with a good friend and have to write a guest post on the writing process at someone else's invitation.
I may not have completely bounced back, and it will be a long time before I'm whole again, but I've at least taken the first step. And I'll keep moving forward till I get to to where I want to be in life.
This will be the final blog entry on the Road Home. I can no longer keep to the schedule of blogging once per week, so rather than let things languish, I'm going to take a hiatus from full time blogging to focus on freelancing and the fantasy trilogy I'm writing; Universal Warrior: War Of The Wild.
If you think I'm not doing things behind the scenes, though, you have another thing coming. If you want to be kept in the loop on what's coming (and oh, how there are so very many things coming), sign up here. I'll probably tweak the hades out of this over the coming months, but if you sign up here, you'll know what's coming before the rest of the world does, and it's a good way to get some free stuff, too.
I want to thank each and every one of you for your support and encouragement over the years. Thank you for reading and turning this blog into a success. I will be back, believe that. Life is an adventure. You will be tested, you will be hurt, and you will persevere, and you will get through it because you CAN.
As always, and until next time, thank you for reading.