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Ready To Go Through Hell

"As part of trying to better myself I only want to associate with good people. Polite people, friendly people. Not bitter, rude, disrespectful people. Especially not those who are like that yet don't believe they are in the wrong. I am stepping away from the negative people in my life. Regardless of who you are. Have a wonderful day everybody." --Steve Davis

A friend of mine put up this post, and it got me thinking; if he could be courageous enough to put himself out there like that, I have no excuses.

The whole reason why I got into blogging was because I didn't want people to repeat my mistakes. I hoped that anyone who read might be able to identify with some of what I'd been through and realize they weren't alone, and that no matter how bad things, there was a light on the other side of the darkness.

I want to be a better person than the one I am. I want to take all this anger and pain and darkness and cast it out of me, because I think it's the only thing keeping me from succeeding. The older I get, the more difficult it becomes to talk about; partly because I'm no longer all that angry, and partly because it comes off as arrogant.

I'm not arrogant. I'm confident, and I'm very aware of what I can and cannot do. It's the latter that bugs me because I don't like to feel limited. I don't like to feel that there's an obstacle that I cannot overcome. I've gotten this far, right?

I have a horrible time connecting to people because I don't trust anyone. I enter virtually every relationship knowing that at some point in time that it's going to end. This poisonous way of thinking has cost me some very good people, and it's a miracle that I've held onto the few friends I've had for more than a few years. I'm tired of not trusting anyone and worse, trusting the wrong people. 

So this week, undergoing one of the most brutal and difficult transitions of my life, I'm gonna blog out the cycles of pain, abuse, making the wrong decisions and God willing, stopping the cycles before one becomes lost in it. 

Thanks for reading.


Lorna said…
Avery, I pray that getting to where you want to be won't prove too difficult. I also pray that when you've reached that point, you will recognize you are there. You're a fighter (in the good sense) and if I had to put my money on you or the devil, I'd bet on you! God bless! Lorna
Avery K. Tingle said…
Thank you, Lorna. That's something I've been wondering; if I'll know success when I get there. I figure that's when God will tell me to stop. At least for a moment. :-)

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