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Out of Darkness

This is going to be one of those personal rants. You've been warned.

Anger is the emotion with which i have the most experience. Its the first emotion I remember experiencing. I feel like I've been angry my whole life; angry at my father, angry at my mother, the world, life, God, anyone. EVERYONE.

As you get older and more used to it, you learn how to use it (or let it destroy you). I liken anger to a warm blanket. It's a refuge in a cold world, embracing, enrapturing, comforting, and very easy to lose oneself in it.

Problem with that blanket is that it eventually becomes very, very hot, and you may find yourself set ablaze if you don't cast it off.

The older you get, the more you realize that you can't blame the world for your problems. Eventually, no matter where you came from or how bad things seem for you, you have to stand on your own feet.

Traveling the country was one of the best things to happen to me. I have nothing but love for majestic diversity that is San Francisco, but seeing the world, availing myself to other cultures and experiencing new ways of life was a tremendously humbling (and much needed) experience. It wasn't just learning that there were other people out there who had similiar experiences; it was that they were free of their demons, or in control of them. They were able to laugh, joke, and give of themselves freely without thought of recompense.

I used to be so cynical that I once told someone, to their face, that everyone had an angle. No one did something for someone for free. I confess that I still haven't completely let go of this belief. But I'm trying.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not the nicest person in the world. On the other hand, I like to laugh. I like to make others laugh. I like to learn and grow and experience every last thing this planet has to offer. I don't want to take anything for granted, pre-judge, or let negativity become my first resort.

I may deal with anger issues my entire life, but I won't let them overtake me. God willing, I am done with self-destruction.

Thanks for reading.


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