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I Will Not Break.

I acknowledge that hundreds of thousands of people in the world write better and more useful blogs than I do. I'm grateful for the few people who take a peek into my life, even more so for the people that choose to follow me. The truth is, I don't write about anything particularly useful; I write about life as I see it, live as I live it, and life as I play it. I find myself in the unique position to do this because I have survived so much in my life and I did not take the stereotypical route.

How easy it would be to take the system, though. Sometimes I wish I still could. The law is antiquated and a lot of those who enforce it do so corruptly, feeling they can get away with anything--and usually they can, because no one will stand up to them.
To be fair, most of the time, when I was arrested, I had it coming. Other times, not so much.
For an example, and the first of my troubles...roughly five years ago now, after my last big fight, I woke up in a Bay City, Michigan hospital. I had tubes running down my throat, my leg was encased...and I was handcuffed to the bed. I remember thinking funny, I thought they only did that on TV.
When I recovered, they pushed me hard. They wanted to know where all the underground fight clubs were, who was promoting them and who was participating. Basically, damn ya and damn the horse that brung ya.
And what were they willing to do for my cooperation? Why, they were willing to let me walk right out that door! I bet.
So what did I do, you ask? Why, I did what any patriotic, God-fearing citizen of this country in my position should have done! I asked for a lawyer.
Apparently, telling some police officers that you want a lawyer sounds a lot like "I just did your mother. Hard. Twice. From the back." I swear he was going to shoot me.
Anyway, with nothing to hold me on except vagrancy/disturbing the peace, I had to go before the judge. He told me that I had to clear up the other matters I had in the state and then reappear before him. I never did.
Now, all of the other counties in the state will let me settle my penny-ante stuff for reasonable fees, but not Bay County--they want blood. They'd extradite me if I could.
Upon surrendering myself, I do about thirty days and they let me go. Jack Sparrow, our debt is settled.

I plan to do that early next year. Maybe I should do it now, since I'm out of work, but we'll get to that in a moment.
Now, most of you know that my ex-wife abandoned our children to her mother and family a number of weeks ago. I found out that this was actually the eighth time this had happened, and she has since become addicted to crystal meth.
Now, I get to talk to my children on a daily basis, and it's great to hear my youngest son (who doesn't know me) cheer out "daddy!!" when he knows I'm on the phone, but I have to be ready to take them for the summer, which is in six months. I also have to contend with my angry child asking me; "If mom loves me, why does she keep leaving me".
I don't hate Amy for what she's done. I feel sorry for her, and I'm scared for her because I'm worried she will end up a statistic. I take no responsibility for what she has become, but when we were together a number of years ago, I did not do right by her. I'm grateful that God has given me the chance to make things right.
This is pretty much my singular goal right now. I have to get back in my children's lives, and I have to prove I can take care of them, and be the father they need me to be.

I also have to prove I can do it on my own terms...
Problem #3,462; I lost my job this week. I am no longer employed (I think) with Securitas Security Services.
Well, Samantha (my lovely fiance) has been battling a lot of issues lately, none of which I'll disclose here, but one episode was particularly bad a couple of nights ago. I chose to go to her house, without properly informing my bosses, and see her through it. I wound up getting to work over an hour late, and my boss caught me.
If I had to go back and do it over again, I wouldn't change a damn thing. Family is the most important thing in the world.
I should also add that I (apparently) left the office such a mess that it constituted a health violation. Who knew. I don't have roaches in my own home but apparently I'm a nightmare to work with.
I was a little miffed that there have been officers on this site who have masturbated to obscene material and they were only transferred. I took an hour to comfort the woman who's going to be my wife (I hope) and they fucking fired me.
Oh, wait. Not yet.
The word coming down is they plan to call me in two weeks.
Good for them. If they do, maybe I'll come back.
I doubt they'll ever reinstate me at the towers because I don't have the personality they're looking for, but I should say now that I am deeply moved by the support I have received from everyone who lives there. I even got word that people might be taking up a petition to get me back. I doubt it would work; that kind of thing only succeeds in a democracy.

I wish I could do more for Sam, but I have finally run up against the one problem that I am completely powerless against. I think it's ironic; I finally meet someone I cannot do without and I can't do anything but pray and hope she gets through it. She will. I have faith in her.

You know why I like video games so much?
They're pure.
You either win or you lose.
You vanish into these fantastic, whimsical worlds, and after everything is said and done, you either win, or you lose. It's that simple. Life isn't. (<--Kinda/sorta taken from Oliver Stone's Any Given Sunday)

This is par for the course with my life, and knowing that I am being tested means I cannot fail. I will not fail. I will get through nanowrimo because I can, and I will continue to build Modern Magic into the force I see it becoming. I will become financially secure because I can and because God will aid me if He so desires. I will succeed not despite my critics and adversities, but because of them.

I will go make a salad.
Oh, I'm sorry for switching like that. I'm just hungry. ;)
Keep safe and God bless. Thank you for reading.

I'll play by the rules as soon as you give me some worth playing by.
Everything seems to happen at once.


tammey said…
Hon, its always darkest before the light. Like I told ya last nite, it will be hard, for you and Sam, but I really believe you two will make it work. You just have to learn to adjust for the highs and lows. You, Sam and the kids will all surive this. I will always be here if ya need to talk.

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